Why is my Child Acting Out?

Understanding and Supporting Your Child’s Behavior

It’s not just your child, every child has moments when they act out — tantrums, whining, hitting. As a parent, these moments can be challenging and leave you feeling like its a reflection of how good a parent you are.

The key to helping your child navigate difficult moments is understanding why they are happening in the first place. A strategy that can help us do that, is called Functional Behavior Analysis (FBA)” which can provide insight into what’s motivating these behaviors. FBA is often used with children on the autism spectrum and those experiencing challenges in school, but it can also be adapted for use at home.

So What is Functional Behavior Analysis (FBA)?

Functional Behavior Analysis is all about discovering the “function” or purpose behind a child’s behavior. Instead of just seeing that a child is having a meltdown, FBA helps us understand what drives these behaviors—whether it’s a need to escape, gain attention, or fulfill sensory needs. It definitely requires a bit of detective work, but who better than you, who knows your child better than anyone to figure it out.

We need to think through what happened before and after a behavior to really understand not only what’s driving it, but also what is maintaining it. There are four main functions of behavior in FBA:

1. Getting out of a Task or Delaying it

Children may act out to avoid tasks they don’t want to do, (think homework or cleaning up). Children may use aggression, screaming, or self harm to escape really undesired tasks. Understanding this can help you guide your child through these moments in a positive way.

Strategies to Manage Avoidance Behaviors:

• Reward positive behavior by reducing demands. For example, if your child comes to the table to clean up without complaint, you might reward them by helping them do the task.

• Set clear boundaries with advanced warnings. When it’s time to complete a task, there’s no negotiating—support them through it.

• Build on your successes, big time! Praise small, simple actions like putting away shoes or following a simple routine to encourage more positive behavior.

2. Access to Things

Children may act out to obtain specific items or activities, like toys, treats, or screen time. Sometimes what they are wanting access to in the moment isn’t obvious, so paying attention to the context when it happens multiple times is important.

Strategies to Address Access to Things:

• Create agreements beforehand. For instance, if they refrain from asking for things while in the store, offer a reward like a cookie at the end.

• Minimize access to tempting items by keeping phones or toys out of sight.

• Use timers or visual schedules to set limits on tangible rewards and help them understand when they’ll have access again.

3. Attention

Children often seek attention—positive or negative—because they crave connection. Children don’t always mind if the attention they receive is good or bad, as long as it’s immediate and noticeable.

Strategies to Change Attention-Seeking Behaviors:

• Set your child up with activities to keep them occupied while you handle other tasks, like work or dinner prep.

• Use planned ignoring for behaviors driven by attention-seeking. This involves withholding attention until the behavior subsides, though it may require patience and consistency.

• Offer specific, positive praise for good behavior to replace the need for attention-driven actions.

4. Sensory Stimulation

Sensory-seeking behaviors occur when children need sensory input for comfort or to regulate feelings. These behaviors are often seen in children with sensory processing challenges.

Strategies to Manage Sensory-Driven Behaviors:

• Offer safe alternatives for sensory needs, like fidget toys or textured objects, instead of harmful actions like skin-picking.

• Set boundaries for sensory-seeking behaviors, teaching your child where and when they’re appropriate.

• Minimize overstimulation by creating accommodations such as noise-cancelling headphones or comfortable clothing.

Understanding the reasons behind your child’s behavior allows you to provide the support they need. With patience, consistency, and a bit of detective work, you can guide your child toward healthier, more positive interactions.