How to Talk to Your Child About an Autism Diagnosis

Your child being diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder (ASD) can feel like a pivotal moment. As a parent, you may experience a range of emotions, from relief at having clarity to concern about how best to support your child. Before talking to your child, it’s important to take time to process the news yourself and educate yourself about autism. Understanding the diagnosis will not only help you feel more confident but also allow you to answer your child’s basic questions. If you encounter questions you don’t have answers to, it’s a great opportunity to model safe and affirming information-seeking by looking for the answers together.

Process and Educate Yourself First

Take time to explore what autism means, both in general and specifically for your child. Connect with professionals, read reputable resources, and join support networks to build your understanding. This preparation will help you approach the conversation with clarity and compassion, ensuring you’re ready to support your child effectively.

Use Developmentally Appropriate Language

Tailor your explanation to your child’s age and level of understanding. For younger children, you might describe autism as a way their brain works that makes them unique. For older children or teens, you can use more specific terms and discuss how the diagnosis explains certain behaviors or challenges they may have noticed.

For example:

• For younger children: “Your brain works in a special way that makes you really good at some things, like remembering facts about dinosaurs. It also makes some things a bit tricky, like understanding why that friend at the playground got upset.”

• For older children: “Autism is a way to understand why you might feel different in some situations or why certain things, like loud noises, bother you more than other people.”

Normalize Neurodiversity

Help your child understand that autism is one of many ways people can think, feel, and experience the world. Explain that differences make the world interesting and that being autistic is just one aspect of who they are. You could discuss examples of well-known individuals with autism such as Temple Grandin or Greta Thunberg, to normalize their experience.

Provide Resources

Books, videos, and stories about other children with autism can be incredibly helpful in normalizing the diagnosis. Look for age-appropriate resources that celebrate neurodiversity and emphasize acceptance. Here are some evidence-based resources to consider:

• Books for Younger Children:

  • "All My Stripes: A Story for Children with Autism" by Shaina Rudolph and Danielle Royer, which highlights the strengths of being different.

  • "I See Things Differently: A First Look at Autism" by Pat Thomas, offering an accessible introduction to autism for children.

• Books for Older Children and Teens:

  • "The Survival Guide for Kids with Autism Spectrum Disorder (And Their Parents)" by Elizabeth Verdick and Elizabeth Reeve, providing practical advice and encouragement.

  • "Different Like Me: My Book of Autism Heroes" by Jennifer Elder, which introduces young readers to famous figures with autism.

• Videos and Multimedia:

  • The "Amazing Things Happen" video by Alexander Amelines is an engaging, animated explanation of autism that is appropriate for all ages.

  • Sesame Street’s "See Amazing in All Children" initiative, which includes videos and activities featuring Julia, a character with autism.

• Websites and Online Resources:

  • The Autism Speaks website offers a "Tool Kits" section tailored to different age groups and situations.

  • The Organization for Autism Research (OAR) has a "Kit for Kids" program with resources that explain autism to children in a positive and easy-to-understand way.

Involve Professionals When Needed

If you feel unsure about how to begin the conversation or if your child has a particularly complex reaction, don’t hesitate to involve a child psychologist, therapist, or other professional. They can provide additional tools and guidance to support your family.

Keep the Conversation Ongoing

Discussing autism isn’t a one-time event; it’s an ongoing dialogue that will evolve as your child grows and gains new insights. Stay open, listen to their experiences, and continue to frame autism as a natural part of who they are.

Your child’s autism diagnosis is an opportunity to better understand their unique perspective and needs. By approaching this conversation with care and positivity, you’re fostering a foundation of self-acceptance and resilience. Remember, you’re not alone on this journey. Support is available to both you and your child, helping you navigate this path together with confidence and compassion.